Statement

"Past Gas-R-Us!"
(Eerie theory...Breaking Wind) 

    "One must conclude, that contrary to established and current wisdom, a scenario describing the genesis of life on earth by chance and natural causes which can be accepted on the basis of fact and not faith has not yet been written."---Herbert Yockey (Journal of Theoretical Biology, 1977) 
 
 
    "The hypothesis that life developed from inorganic matter is, at present, still an article of faith." ---Austin Clark  
 
  "Evolutionary biology...bears a striking resemblance to alchemy.  Both disciplines involve transformations, and both have certain scientific basis in that some transformations actually occur----within limits. The genuine science becomes alchemy when ambitious investigators assume dogmatically that they can extrapolate from one kind of change to another, and imagine that they know how to transform lead into gold, lifeless chemicals into living organisms and bacteria into human beings."---Phillip Johnson   
 
                                                      *******
 
 Recently, a team of geo-microbiologists at Penn State University discovered that the origin of life on Earth may not have dropped out of the blue via some sort of extra-terrestrial panspermian planting, or accidentally (magically?) popped into existence when lifeless primordial goo was zapped by a purposeless and random prehistoric lightning strike.
 
    While experimenting in the lab, the Penn State scientists discovered that a lifeless microbe (Methanosarcina acetevorans) actually passed gas which conceivably ...(no pun intended!)....could have somehow attracted enough randomly available DNA/RNA-type molecules to itself to have produced real, self-replicating life on planet Earth!
 
     According to this theory... (hold on to your "whoopie-cushion", folks)...,  we are basically nothing more than the accidental (and unintelligently designed) offspring of tiny, dead microbial 'flatulence'.
 
     (You may read about it here.)
 
    Of course, you and I may chuckle at this latest "scientific" foray into the land of  bizarre spiritual speculation and metaphysics, but apparently this is Fundamentalist Scientism's most recent chapter in her religious gospel Creation Myth. 
 
     The problem is, unlike most of us....the High Priests of Scientism don't appear to be laughing. In fact, they seem to be quite deadly serious.
 
    Presumably, this latest "scientific" revelation and Creation Story will be discussed and batted around in our children's classrooms everywhere as if it were actually a plausible theory of the beginning of life.
 
    New Age Scientism (aka, Macro-cadabra Evolutionism), meet your Metaphysical Mama: neo-pagan Alchemy.
 
    How the "magik arts" have evolved!
    (Idolatry warmed over and served yet again...)*
 
     What a gas!
 
                         *****

---

     "Past Gas-R-Us!"
(Eerie theory...Breaking Wind)                                                  
 
 
Some say Time 'n' Space erupted
   In a past gas incident...
But now Scientists inform us
   Of a new passed-gas event!
 
Shocking news!
Simply explosive!
Guess where mankind got its start.....?!
   Little microbes in deep water...
    Tiny bubbles in the dark!
 
Something smells here...
   Something's fishy!
Something odoriferous!
   (This is Science!
     Stop complaining!
  You should know.....
    Past Gas-R-Us!)
 
Gassy-Passion was in fashion,
   Life emerged right then 'n' there!
Jet propulsion!
Fierce expulsion!
    Rocket Science clears the air!  
 
Mama Methane...
Poppa Carbon
   Found an outlet, if you please...!
Life emerged from microbe gashes!
   Thermal vent.....
     Ol' factories!
 
Meat-Man's Laboratory Logos...
   (Oh my Word!...It's Heaven-Scent!)
So, breath free, Ye True Believers...
   Evo-Gas-God's Accident!

Holy Moses!
  Hold yer noses!
Did you hear that "Missing Link"!?
Alchemy has come full circle,
   And she's puttin' up a stink!
 
Please observe.....
   There!....
     Hot-Air-Rising!
     Right from under Darwin's.... spell!
Praise Pollutin'-Tootin' Microbes!
     (This shell-game's still selling well!)
 
Quite a neo-pagan hat-trick...
   Like witchcraft we all thought dead!
Sacred life transformed from gasses,
   Man! Like gold is made from lead!
 
Mumbo-jumbo speculation!
    Conjured up idolatries;
Scientific wands-a-wavin'      
   Serving Mephistopheles!  
 
PhD's.... inflatuated!
   It's an Evo-Love Affair!
Darwin's brought 'em all together...
   Cheek to cheek...
      Without a care!
 
Holy Smoke!
 They're on emission!
   Gospel-spreading far and wide!
"Life's Creator was a microbe!"
   (Mama-Gas, meet Human Pride.)
 
Give 'em all a huge ovation!
   Here's your Nobel Prize, my friend...
     For this strange Creation Story,
       Eerie Theory....
         Breaking Wind!
 
You deserve this lofty honor!
Yes, Ol' Bean, you should be proud!
You've been under lots of pressure....
    Now we've heard you....
      Clear and loud!
 
We admire your Nosey-Gnosis!
We applaud your expertise!
   And your Gospel Vapor-Paper
    Has us gasping on our knees!
 
           *******
 
There you have it, Lord.....
   Have mercy!
Man's "intelligent design".
   Yes, the "Brights" are out of theories...
     And they're running out of time.
 
Lord, we love to worship Reason,
   Because Reason starts with "ME"...
And a microbe-gas "creator"
    Insures our Autonomy!
 
Accidental gas can't judge us...
   And we like it just that way!
So we stick with Darwin's Dogma...
   Then our Faith blows You away!
 
                  *****
          *****************
 
 
    "Woe to those who go to great depths
         to hide their plans from the LORD,
       who do their work in darkness and
              think,
         'Who sees us? Who will know?'
     You turn things upside down,
           as if the potter were thought to be
               like the clay!
     Shall what is formed say to him who
          formed it,
            'He did not make me'?
      Can the pot say to the potter,
            'He knows nothing'?"   
                                               (Isaiah 29: 15,16)

    "We are told that complexity and even consciousness just bubbled up out of an inorganic world. These are extraordinary claims and therefore they require extraordinary evidence. Instead we have a series of unsubstantiated speculations."-- Cornelius Hunter
 
 
"[The]....evolutionary naturalists have my very best wishes for success in their hunt for the ultimate bargain. They may even be right. But they are not guaranteed to be right. And they certainly have not demonstrated that they are right. Indeed, they are nowhere near pulling the rabbit out of the hat." --William Dembski
 
   "Any group with authority to tell a culture's creation story functions as a kind of priesthood defining what shall be deemed ultimate truth." --Nancy Pearcey